Pretending to Be Mature

Sometimes we have to “fake it,” that is we have to do what we don’t feel like doing. We often need to act right first. In other words, we shouldn't simply “be ourselves,” we should be the person we ought to be; we should be the person we want to become; to be bigger than ourselves; to be  adults when we would much rather be children. In this sense, “faking it” is not dishonest; it’s self-denial, which is a step toward greater maturity. Not everything that can be said should be said. Not everything that can be done should be done. Self-restraint is a discipline. Pretending is also good practice.

C.S. Lewis observed:

“What is the good of pretending to be what you are not? Well, even on the human level, you know, there are two kinds of pretending. There is a bad kind, where the presence is there instead of the real thing; as when a man pretends he is going to help you instead of really helping you. But there is also a good kind, where the pretense leads up to the real thing. When you are not feeling particularly friendly but know you ought to be, the best thing you can do, very often, is to put on a friendly manner and behave as if you were a nicer person than you actually are. And in a few minutes, as we have all noticed, you will be really feeling friendlier than you were. Very often the only way to get a quality in reality is to start behaving as if you had it already. That is why children's games are so important. They are always pretending to be grown­ups —playing soldiers, playing shop. But all the time, they are hardening their muscles and sharpening their wits so that the pretense of being grown-up helps them to grow up in earnest.”

―Mere Christianity